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HOBBITS, ANCHORMAN AND DAVID ATTENBOROUGH

For this edition of Oddnews we’ve taken inspiration from the upcoming Christmas cinema and TV viewing…Tonight on Channel 4, everyone’s favourite mentalist, Derren Brown, is going to teach grannies to steal pieces of art. This novel approach to combating the impact of rising fuel prices on pensioners landed the illusionist in hot water when two Damien Hirst artworks, which looked very much to us like a join-the-dots London Underground maps, were stolen. But we want to assure you that not all magic will result in a visit from the po-po. To prove it, our final magic video teaches you a trick that you can use to astound your friends over the festive period. Alakazam.

We are proud to announce that in preparation for Christmas 2015, Peter Jackson has just started filming his third Hobbit-based film series, the lesser known J.R.R Tolkien work: Hobbits Open a Wine Shop. The basic premise, if you haven’t read the book, is that under the watchful eye of Bilbo, Frodo sets up a wine merchant called Oddbaggins and goes on multiple wine tasting adventures to find the perfect Christmas wine, all the time hounded by his evil competitor Gollum. We’ve got the inside scoop on a couple of the preciousss beverages featured… Kuru Kuru Pinot Noir (you know hobbits love New Zealand) and the great value Burgundy-a-like Viña Leyda Falaris Chardonnay from Chile are Frodo’s top matches for Christmas dinner. And we heartily second that motion, because they were our pick of the bunch too. But for those who prefer beer to wine, we’d recommend our first ever collaboration beer ELB Oddbins Nº1, a limited edition amber winter ale brewed with cinnamon, ginger, cloves, orange peel, nutmeg and vanilla. Available by the case online or in selected Oddbins shops, while stocks last. It also makes an incredible chocolate mousse, click here for the recipe.

Mother Christmas, who continues to give away Champagne on our Twitter page, has advised that she will not be going to see The Hobbit, siting elf flashbacks and her annoyance at the lack of strong female characters. She will instead be going to see Anchorman 2…

Jumpers, socks and scented candles are terrible gifts. Sorry if this offends anyone, but we are campaigning for the rights of bad gift receivers across the country. Scotch is a great gift. If you get snowed in, you don’t want a scented candle, you want the creamy, warming peatiness of Ardmore. When the in-laws descend, you don’t want to lock yourself in the kitchen with a pair of socks, you want the reassuring smoothness of Tamdhu. Ugly Christmas jumpers simply do not taste as festive as Balvenie DoubleWood. And that is a scientific fact. 60% of the time, it works every time.

Alternatively, you can’t go wrong with our handpicked, ready wrapped, free delivery Christmas Gifts or a nice bottle of (Ron) Burgundy. Just remember our Christmas delivery cut off is midday on Friday 20th December.

Did you see Kate Middleton at the premier of Natural History Museum Alive? She was wearing those 3D spectacles, just like a normal person might, only she is far more beautiful and regal. Sorry we sarcastically digress…David Attenborough is quite right. Tonight is no ordinary night. It is Friday 13th people. On such a night, our advice is to stay home. Don’t be tempted to go out, something terrible might happen. Stay at home with a bottle of Champagne and celebrate surviving another Friday 13th. To be honest we’ll celebrate anything if it means we’re allowed Champagne. The outstanding Pol Roger Brut Réserve is a great place to start. Packed with gently spiced baked apple and croissant flavours, this has long been an Oddbins favourite. But if you’ve been very good, upgrade yourself to the peachy and toasty Pol Roger 2002 Vintage, currently with £8 off. Described by the Wine Gang as “exceptional”. Unfortunately we can’t tell you how we described it because it was so good that on tasting it we inadvertently swore a little, and that won’t get through your spam filter.

That’s all from us, not many sleeps until Christmas…