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Tag Archives: Viognier

  • Orang-Utangover!

    The bar has reached a Friday evening peak. Everybody is loud and excitable, Prosecco is flowing and there is love and laughter everywhere. The Headache Fairy will be busy tomorrow, but for now...

    "...So, then I said, right, I said 'And anyway, darlin, that's not a banana you're peeling!'" Mass guffaws. HAHAHAHA HA HA HA ha...ha...haaa...and fade to black. And silence.


    A chimpanzee is lying beneath a tree. Well, perhaps "beneath" dignifies the picture somewhat. "Underneath" might be better. And the tree is horizontal. On the floor surrounding the chimp are a number of festive baubles, and on a nearby sofa is a crumpled heap of clothes and blankets. Looping on his television screen is a video of a chimp invasion of a wine store. After a BLT he will realise how much fun last night's Christmas party was, but right now he is sulking about a lost battle with a tree.

    "Oi, Snazzy", he says to the sofa. The crumpled heap moves a little to show the head of another chimpanzee, this one topped off with an angel. "How did we get here?"

    "I think we started off with a couple of aperitifs, Crazy, Laurent-Perrier Non-Vintage, £27 a pop. Christmas has come early at that price..."


    "No, here!" I was a tree climbing aristocracy not so long ago, now I'm pinned to the floor by a Norwegian Spruce wondering how I'm going to get to work. I should be sitting in the sunshine picking fleas off my girlfriend, not working in a wine shop in Clapham!"

    "Well for a start, I warned you against putting your Christmas tree up after a night on the Brasso. You should have savoured some Bourgogne Blanc Girardin with me - elegant, pleasantly aromatic, and appealingly fruity. The wine's not bad either, boom boom!"


    "And as for your job, well, think about it. People want a shop with character, and they want the best of everything. The confused man with ten quid who'd never been in the place before - you gave him Coteaux du Pont du Gard - fruit, structure, intensity and complexity. And a rather saucy joke. Think how some small part of his life may have been changed by a wine of such quality. He might have had a Road to Damascus moment with a country wine from Avignon."


    "...and the lady wanting a change from boring, boring Pinot Grigio? Domaine de Coudoulet Viognier - a lovely flowery nose and tropical fruit on the palate, balanced with a dash of citrus. She didn't think wine shopping could be such fun, and now she's looking at the more generic offerings with something approaching pity. You see, we send out little ripples of love and affirmation with every bottle, and though you can't see them, they cross your path with every step you take from the shop to Clapham Junction station. Every cosy looking, lamp lit window may have a Coudoulet Viognier behind it. If only you knew!"


    "Cor blimey, Snazzy, you don't half talk some cobblers. And there's nothing elegant or pleasantly aromatic about you while you're piled up on my settee! Now get yourself out and get us a banana, lettuce and tomato, while I sort some coffee out."

    As the front door closes, Crazy Chimp's mind drifts to Snazzy's comments. To the tables he may have enriched in some way, to the laughter he's brought to unsuspecting shoppers, to the enrichment of his own mind and so many others with knowledge of the seemingly obscure or opaque. Clapham has become a beautiful place, and Christmas is his, for him to give to the world!

    Well, that's if he can get from under this tree now Snazzy's gone out...


    Happy Burns Night one and all. In the words of Rabbie: “Go fetch to me a pint o wine, an fill it in a silver tassie.” or at least a bottle of malt whisky from Oddbins. But before you do, have a read of this…
    Well, that was well over 400 years ago. These days it’s unlikely that Golden Globe winning actor and redheaded heartthrob Damian Lewis is going to be burnt alive at the hands of a pitchfork-wielding, baying mob. However, reports earlier this month of a young gentleman who received a shattered jaw for his birthday, courtesy of a thug in Birmingham, simply due to his hair colour, are proof that redheads still sometimes get unfairly picked on. Here at Oddbins, we love red hair and we would like to celebrate it. So if you have two copies of a recessive gene on chromosome 16, which have caused a mutation in the MC1R protein, resulting in a reddish hue to your hair, head down to an Oddbins from Friday 25 to Sunday 27 January and receive some love from us. As Frank Sinatra said “orange is the happiest colour.” Let's keep it that way. To find out more have a gander at our blog: Blogbins.

    Donna Tartt’s book The Secret History is a macabre tale of what happens when clandestine Bacchanalian festivities go bad. It’s a good read, but dark. Although we love a little secretive revelry, we prefer ours on the lighter side. At £11 a pop the Secret de Viu Manent wines are a better reflection of how we roll. These are three wines, one made from Carménère, one from Malbec and one from Viognier. The twist is that each one contains a proportion of mystery. Now don’t be scared, it isn’t horsemeat. We wouldn’t do that to you. 15% of each wine is made from an undisclosed blend. Now we love a secret, so our lips are firmly locked on what those blends are. But do your Columbo-like taste buds have the skills to unravel the enigma and identify the puzzling grape mixes? You'll just have to pick up a delicious bottle at one of our shops to find out...

    Over the last three months we’ve been exploring the theme of love. But unfortunately our love is dwindling. It’s not you, it’s us, we’ve changed and we’ve got to move on. We’re joking of course, we’ll never stop loving you, we just have a new theme starting in February. But what this means is that our “Love Now On!” January special offers on Fine Wines will be coming to an end on 31 January, so make sure you get yourself to an Oddbins shop before then. Who knows you might find the perfect Valentine’s Day present well ahead of time. For example, we have money off one of South Africa’s finest Pinot Noirs, the great value second wine of the illustrious Château Pichon-LonguevilleBillecart-Salmon’s Champagne made in oak and many more in our shops. And if you are wondering what our next theme will be, well you’ll just have to trust us…

    That’s all from us, go forth and do wrong to none.

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