Welcome, to what may be the greatest St George’s Day in the history of canonization! Firstly, Kate has birthed a child that we can be certain won’t be named George (they jumped the gun on that one a bit, ay). Still, a royal born on St George’s Day, if this kid doesn’t slay a komodo dragon intent on spreading jam on scones before the clotted cream, with a union jack, then this country has frankly been short-changed. Also, old Jezza Corbyn has pledged to make St George’s Day a bank holiday! Even, if like most people you feel rather sickened by Jeremy’s choice of ill-fitting casual beige suits, you must agree that is solid policy. In fact, we’d give him a boob-5 for that idea!
It’s a very odd holiday, though isn’t it? The symbol of this fine nation is a Roman man, whose father was from Palestine, his mother from Iran and who never set foot in Britain. Yet, for some reason it emboldens troglodytes in EDL t-shirts to stand outside a Gurdwara complaining about ‘Muslamic Law.’ We, here at Oddbins, say poppycock to that. Let’s not let our national holiday be hijacked by people that think mosque is spelled with a ‘k.’ Let’s celebrate the things English people should genuinely be proud of; multiculturalism, the work of William Shakespeare, sarcasm, umm… putting cucumber in drinks and most importantly gin!
Let us all, come together and refuse to go to work, referencing Jeremy Corbyn’s attire as a cause for our absence. Instead, choose to sit around with our friends, family and neighbours, drinking delicious gin and sarcastically undermine each other’s analysis of Hamlet. “O, you think Hamlet might be imagining the ghost, that’s an original thought!”
God bless you England!